I am a proud employee of Masse's Fish Market.
Yesterday was my first day. And boy did it leave me with some stories to share.
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I like to call this one "I Have Two Kids."
I am at the fresh fish counter, serving a customer. Another girl is next to me serving an entirely different customer. Other girl gets a phone call in the back. Five minutes go by, during which I am still serving my customer. Other girl's customer's two children are creating a ruckus.
Other Girl's Customer: LOOK, THERE'S TWO BENCHES HERE! BOTH OF YOU CAN HAVE A BENCH! EACH OF YOU PICK ONE! AND DON'T PICK THE SAME BENCH!
I continue weighing scrod loins and look on.
Other Girl's Customer: NO WE'RE NOT GETTING ANY CANDY!
My Customer: o.O
Me: (holding up raw fish) Sir? Is this all right?
Another few minutes pass. Keep in mind that this whole time I have been visibly helping my customer.
My Customer: Yeah, can I get a couple of those swordfish steaks...
Other Girl's Customer: Excuse me, do you know if she just left my order on the counter?
Me: No, but I can ring you up when I'm done with him if that's all right. Anything else, sir?
My Customer: Yeah, I'll have a couple of lemons with that.
Other Girl's Customer: I've been here before. I don't know what the problem is.
Me: $XX.XX is your total. Out of $40?
Other Girl's Customer: I have two kids!
Me: $XX.XX is your change sir, have a nice day.
Other Girl's Customer: It looks like everyone's just sitting around back there!
At this point, I've kind of reached my limit. This woman has been harassing me for at least ten minutes while I've been busy with another customer. I don't know where the other girl is. This is Not. My. Fault.
Me: What did you want, ma'am?
Other Girl's Customer: I've been here before, I don't know what's taking so long!
Me: (gritting my teeth) What did you want, ma'am?
Other Girl's Customer: I want to speak to your manager!
This is where I snap entirely.
Me: Might I suggest you not behave in a verbally abusive manner?
And then I storm off to get someone else to deal with her and hide in take-out until she's gone.
---
And this is called "Stupid." The hyphens are where they would shut up for awhile before starting up again with the stupid.
I am in the kitchen doing take-out orders. The order is a 2-piece fish and chips with french fries. Easy enough, right? Or so you'd think.
Somehow I wind up with three pieces of fish.
Kitchen Boy #1: What the? Are you reading the damn things?
Kitchen Boy #2: I read it! It said 2-piece fish and chips!
Kitchen Boy #1: Well, we got three pieces here!
-
Kitchen Boy #2: We still got an hour and 40 minutes left!
Kitchen Boy #1: Do you wanna start cleaning in an hour and 40 minutes, or do you wanna start cleaning now so we can get out of here at closing?
Kitchen Boy #2: Fuck you.
-
Waitress: I know this says take-out, but it's for the dining room, okay?
Kitchen Boy #2: Huh?
-
And the grand finale:
Kitchen Boy #2: You callin' me stupid? You better not be fuckin' callin' me stupid!
Yes, kitchen boy. We are calling you stupid.
---
This one isn't so much aggravating as just plain funny. It's called "Dead Lobster."
Other employee: Where's [boss]?
Chef: I dunno, why?
Other employee: This lobster is dead, what should I do about it?
Chef: Why'd you kill it?
Other employee: Because I--I don't know!
Chef: What did that poor thing ever do to you?
Other employee: It was going to die anyway!
---
This final story is called "Fifteen Dollars." I'd like to use it as a tool to remind everyone out there that service people have no control over 99% of what goes on in the restaurant. The price it scans at is the price we are legally obligated to recieve from you. No matter how much you complain about the outrageous prices, we cannot change what the computer says.
Customer: I'll have an order of whole-belly clams, please.
Me: That'll be 14.98. (This is a fairly reasonable price for clams. Clams are very expensive at the moment. I rang up an order of 10 pounds of steamers earlier that went for about $100.)
Customer: Fifteen dollars for one order, you're telling me.
Me: That's what the computer says, sir.
Customer: No wonder you guys don't get much business over here. Fifteen dollars, holy shit.
I kid you not. He actually swore at the person who was about prepare his food. Also keep in mind that this was about 7:00 on a Friday night. The dining room three feet to his left was PACKED.
So I go in the back and get his clams.
Customer: (showing me the clams, as if I didn't just see them five minutes ago when I GOT THEM FOR HIM) That's fifteen dollars' worth right there?
Me: I only get paid minimum wage, sir.
---
And that was my first day of work.
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