onceuponajanuary (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
onceuponajanuary) wrote2008-12-28 11:00 pm
onceuponajanuary) wrote2008-12-28 11:00 pm
Lulzy Quotes from Fundies
At http://www.fstdt.com/fundies/random.aspx?archive=1, there is a veritable cornucopia of notable quotes from fundamentalist Christian websites. Some are lulzy, most anger-inducing. I have taken the liberty of collecting only the lulziest so that your day might be brightened by the utter ridiculousness of the things some of these people believe. Read and be astounded.
Disclaimer: I am not making fun of Christians in general. I'm not even making fun of fundamentalist Christians in general. I am making fun of the specific idiots who wrote these things on the Internet for all to see. I actually quite like Jesus and what he stands for, personally. Any comments calling me a "stupid atheist" (I'm actually a deist, but whatever) or anything of the sort will be ignored and left up for everyone else to laugh at.
That said, onto the quotes!
I had no idea degrees in logic, reasoning etc. were being called degrees in "math" here in the States.
I suppose your mom never taught mathematics back in homeschool...
Give me an example of more than one version of the Bible.
Well, there's the KJV, the New American Version, the Amplified Bible... wait, why is a deist educating you on your own holy book?
Sorry your stupid catholic religion made you hate God so much. That's ok, He'll open your eyes and ears to the truth soon enough. He controls your environment. You have no choice to believe or not until He allows it.
This one is just sort of creepy. So no matter how much I wanted to be Christian, I couldn't unless God wanted me to? Or something? I don't know, and I'm not crazy enough to find out...
part of the brilliant design of Lego is that the shapes of the pieces prevent children from creating anything sinful.
I can think of many, many sinful things I could build with enough flesh-toned Legos.
i've taken evolution/anthropology classes too. so if patrick ewing [a basketball player] and bill gates fall into a salt mine together, i one million years when thier fossils are found, they'll say that one is human and one is ape right?
No.
pi changes depending upon the strength of the gravitational field involved.
I don't even want to take a stab at whatever this person thinks pi is.
It might not have been the christian thing to run over that Wiccan symbol, but it was the right AMERICAN thing to do.
Wait, wait, I thought you guys were Christians...?
if you believe that their isn't any hell, you gotta be apart of some cult or something or just blind as a bat!!
Sorry, I don't take religious advice from people who can't write English correctly.
Yeah! I've made a new goal. WHen I meet somone new after 10 minutes they should know I'm a Christian, in love with Jesus! CUZ I LOVE JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
See previous comment.
No, the point is that the ten commandments are not specifically Judeo-Christian, nor are they establishing a religion. Therefore it is not unconstitutional.
"I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt have no other gods before me." Exodus 20:2-3
HELLO!!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT????? I find it a blessing that God didn't create me as animal. Example: A dog, cat, bird,etc. Because, if I was I would be able to have eternal life through Jesus Christ!!!!
HELLO!!!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT????? I think you said that wrong!!!!! Also, excessive punctuation and refusing to proofread make Jesus cry.
Praise Jesus! I was visiting a Chrisitian bookstore this afternoon, when all of a sudden I heard it! I heard the mighty trumpet of Jesus, blowing loud and hard, calling all Christians home. It was as if I had been struck by lightning! I dropped the book I was perusing, stood stock still with my arms pointed skyward and said "YES LORD!". The shopkeep and the two other people in the shop looked at me as if I was insane. Turns out they knew something I didn't. The 1:45 fright train crosses the road every day at that time, and usually blows it's whistle when it's going through the intersection. I was sooo embarassed! But hey, at least I know I'll be ready when the real one comes! I'd rather be a bit embarrassed than unsaved!!
No, you're still an idiot.
I'm sure atheists would rather trust in God than government or themselves.
You seem a bit confused there, old chum.
you are forgetting that you believe that evolution created gravity (over time).
Do you just lump all scientific theories in with evolution or what?
There is more proof that Jesus was on the earth and is and did all the things he said than there is proof that Shakespeare was a real person and that he penned anything at all.
Okay... Not sure why you chose Shakespeare to make yourself look stupid there...
Yes I do beleive the whole bible is true for the bible it self declaires it to be so.
Circular logic is fun!
Keep in mind that I am not up to a vexation with a person who knows nothing about metaphysics and thinks that life comes from a stone!!
Well, according to your religion God made life from dust...
And that's where the lulz started to run out. Hope you enjoyed this and, if not, at least recognized that there are people out there giving Christianity a bad name just like there are for every other religion that has ever existed. No religion is immune to stupidity, folks!
Disclaimer: I am not making fun of Christians in general. I'm not even making fun of fundamentalist Christians in general. I am making fun of the specific idiots who wrote these things on the Internet for all to see. I actually quite like Jesus and what he stands for, personally. Any comments calling me a "stupid atheist" (I'm actually a deist, but whatever) or anything of the sort will be ignored and left up for everyone else to laugh at.
That said, onto the quotes!
I had no idea degrees in logic, reasoning etc. were being called degrees in "math" here in the States.
I suppose your mom never taught mathematics back in homeschool...
Give me an example of more than one version of the Bible.
Well, there's the KJV, the New American Version, the Amplified Bible... wait, why is a deist educating you on your own holy book?
Sorry your stupid catholic religion made you hate God so much. That's ok, He'll open your eyes and ears to the truth soon enough. He controls your environment. You have no choice to believe or not until He allows it.
This one is just sort of creepy. So no matter how much I wanted to be Christian, I couldn't unless God wanted me to? Or something? I don't know, and I'm not crazy enough to find out...
part of the brilliant design of Lego is that the shapes of the pieces prevent children from creating anything sinful.
I can think of many, many sinful things I could build with enough flesh-toned Legos.
i've taken evolution/anthropology classes too. so if patrick ewing [a basketball player] and bill gates fall into a salt mine together, i one million years when thier fossils are found, they'll say that one is human and one is ape right?
No.
pi changes depending upon the strength of the gravitational field involved.
I don't even want to take a stab at whatever this person thinks pi is.
It might not have been the christian thing to run over that Wiccan symbol, but it was the right AMERICAN thing to do.
Wait, wait, I thought you guys were Christians...?
if you believe that their isn't any hell, you gotta be apart of some cult or something or just blind as a bat!!
Sorry, I don't take religious advice from people who can't write English correctly.
Yeah! I've made a new goal. WHen I meet somone new after 10 minutes they should know I'm a Christian, in love with Jesus! CUZ I LOVE JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
See previous comment.
No, the point is that the ten commandments are not specifically Judeo-Christian, nor are they establishing a religion. Therefore it is not unconstitutional.
"I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt have no other gods before me." Exodus 20:2-3
HELLO!!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT????? I find it a blessing that God didn't create me as animal. Example: A dog, cat, bird,etc. Because, if I was I would be able to have eternal life through Jesus Christ!!!!
HELLO!!!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT????? I think you said that wrong!!!!! Also, excessive punctuation and refusing to proofread make Jesus cry.
Praise Jesus! I was visiting a Chrisitian bookstore this afternoon, when all of a sudden I heard it! I heard the mighty trumpet of Jesus, blowing loud and hard, calling all Christians home. It was as if I had been struck by lightning! I dropped the book I was perusing, stood stock still with my arms pointed skyward and said "YES LORD!". The shopkeep and the two other people in the shop looked at me as if I was insane. Turns out they knew something I didn't. The 1:45 fright train crosses the road every day at that time, and usually blows it's whistle when it's going through the intersection. I was sooo embarassed! But hey, at least I know I'll be ready when the real one comes! I'd rather be a bit embarrassed than unsaved!!
No, you're still an idiot.
I'm sure atheists would rather trust in God than government or themselves.
You seem a bit confused there, old chum.
you are forgetting that you believe that evolution created gravity (over time).
Do you just lump all scientific theories in with evolution or what?
There is more proof that Jesus was on the earth and is and did all the things he said than there is proof that Shakespeare was a real person and that he penned anything at all.
Okay... Not sure why you chose Shakespeare to make yourself look stupid there...
Yes I do beleive the whole bible is true for the bible it self declaires it to be so.
Circular logic is fun!
Keep in mind that I am not up to a vexation with a person who knows nothing about metaphysics and thinks that life comes from a stone!!
Well, according to your religion God made life from dust...
And that's where the lulz started to run out. Hope you enjoyed this and, if not, at least recognized that there are people out there giving Christianity a bad name just like there are for every other religion that has ever existed. No religion is immune to stupidity, folks!